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Resolution……

Happy soon to be New Year 2019!!!!!

I’ve seen email after email after email, today talk about making New Year’s Resolutions, what they should be, how they should be, buy this or that, to help you make it to your goal.

NOW!!!! DON’T get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with that, we all have to earn income…..it just made me realize that I am following WAY too many blogs out there & still too dang poor to take advantage of any of their help…..which sucks.

But, it also got me to thinking (very scary at times….and gives me a headache at times too…..like now…..or I’ve eaten too many candy rocks & my body is letting me know……either way……) it got me to thinking about my resolutions or lack there of.

I haven’t bothered to “celebrate” New Years in a good number of years, I use to stay up & watch Dick Clark & the American Bandstand bring in the New Year (that should date me quite a bit LOL), back then it was fun…I was fun. But I’ve been sad & miserable for so long……that’s all that I know. For years, I avoided the New Year celebration, I didn’t want to kiss the one I was with/near, because I wasn’t in love with him…I didn’t want to bring in the New Year pretending…..yet again.

My Resolutions started as a kid, to do more, to have more fun then switched to get a 2nd job or get a college degree, then to do more for my kids, to lose weight, to find a way to be happy in this marriage, to do all that I could to be a better wife so he wouldn’t stray, to make things work. Reaching for the impossible seemed to be my yearly, daily, monthly theme. I have succeeded at losing weight…..nearly 50 pounds….but still got more to go. (Slowly losing it, just not in the area’s I would like it to be). It’s been up & down over the last few years on doing more outside the home with the kids.

I’d have better luck at becoming an astronaut then I had at keeping him from straying, so I gave up trying. I doubt that I will stay up to bring in the new year, because I still have no desire to kiss a man that killed our marriage, destroyed our vows, broke my heart into a million pieces & changed who I truly was at my core, BUT!!

I do plan on making a resolution or 3 (or a zillion)……My top one is to be true to myself. I’ve never really ever focused on myself, in my life…..but I’ve always done things that I loved/enjoyed & shared it in some ways with others. Currently I am sharing my office chair with our 13-14 year old cat & my 1/4 of the seat is starting to kill my butt. But I miss me…..stubborn, caring, (protective) temper, attitude (stubborn one), some say I’m a bitch, some say I’m brash, but in a caring one. I don’t sugar coat things, I’m blunt, but not hurtful. I don’t let many into my inner circle, but if you make it in there…..I’ll always have your back.

I still want to lose weight…..soooooooooo tired of being fat. It’s hard on the joints and organs & losing weight isn’t any easier on the joints at first (just ask my knees & elbows) LOL I still need to finish my 2 year degree that I started 24-25 yrs ago LOL

I don’t know if my husband & I will ever fall in love again or stay together after the kids move out….I know a LOT of things have to change…a lot within me & a lot in his actions & behavior. I still get the feeling some times that he’s back to hiding things, I chalk it up to it being me. But I won’t ignore my gut. It hasn’t let me down, even though I’ve let it down.

But the other thing (there are several others) I want to focus on, is our business……I have already earned a commission check this month, I’ll get a bigger one next month. I want it to keep growing.

But I realized something recently…….I am NOT a salesman, I don’t have the magic words to flick the switch in people to make them instantly dive in. But I recently talked to a disabled vet, that had such a passion for what he’d like to do, but also struggles financially & emotionally. And then I talked to a young mom who has a very physically demanding job, has to work out in all kinds of weather & has 3 babies that are a year apart & wants to stay home with them. They both have a struggle & a need & as much as I would love to help them fulfill that need…….I can’t do it for them.

But I want to try & help them to fulfill it for themselves……..I want to do that for every one who would like to change their life.

I have a LOT in my own life that I need to work on, change, & improve….so I understand struggle. My new years resolution this year……….is to change MY life & help others change theirs. I’m starting in an area, that I know that I can change……finances. I know that for me, bringing in some extra money that will get some excess bills paid off, that will help get supplies we need here at the farm, that will help get me some new tires for my truck & some hay stored for my animals. AND I might even be able to take a vacation with my family……or at the very least, I can send my kids on a vacation.

Either way…….2019 my life is changing………for the better.

But in the mean time, my butt is hurting sitting on this tiny 1/4 section (maybe 2 inches) of my chair & as a result……my back really hurts. So, I’m going to say tootles for now.

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HAPPY THANKSGIVING

I wanted to send off a post before the big day, because I may not have time or may have lost my sanity before the day is even 1/2 over, so it’s best to write now. ;o)

I think it’s been or close to being 40 or 41 years go, my most favorite cousin in the whole world was killed in a motorcycle wreck on Thanksgiving. It was hard for me for a while to find joy in this day again. A few Thanksgiving’s we would go over to my Aunt’s squeeze into her tiny house with all of her kids & a few grandkids & enjoy a big feast…..I miss those times.

But I really miss celebrating Thanksgiving with my sister & brother in the same house….my mom & sister would overly stress over the lack of cooperation they felt they were getting from the rest of us, the lack of control they had over everything & situation. My dad & I are the more laid back out of the group & then there was my brother who just hung out in his room & waited to eat & then went into hiding when it was time to clean up…..which of course, was left to the women (namely my sister & myself).

Even though we didn’t get a long much even back then…I still miss being together. But since she had her first kid…..they refused to travel, while part of me understood it…..how can you create generational family memories, if your never with family to make them? Even when she lived near us, she’d rather invite strangers into her home, instead of come be with family & let cousin interact & get a chance to become friends.

then after my brother’s family split up that was pretty much the end of our family Thanksgiving get together’s… my family was left on their own to do their own thing……while it was nice at times not to have to stress over whether or not your cooking would produce good tasting food. I missed my childhood at the holidays.

But tomorrow, we will hopefully be celebrating our first Thanksgiving in our First home (bought earlier this year) with my parents, brother & his kids. I’m excited & nervous & worried.

My house isn’t spit-shined as much as I was hoping it’d be, I forgot to make cornbread for potential stuffing to dry out over night for tomorrow. Not in the mood to make pumpkin pie right now…..so that might be a breakfast task. Forgot to get bacon to have breakfast.

And of course……..we’re broke.

but it’s ok, whether we celebrate with a full house or with just us……I am thankful to have a brand new house, to be able to celebrate thanksgiving and to be in a much better place then I have been just last year.

I still have a long way to go……..but I’m getting there.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING  


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I’m Back!!!!

I don’t know if anyone’s noticed that I’ve been kind of quiet. Well, there’s a couple reasons……the main one is we’ve been moving (technically for 3 months) to our first ever buying a home…home. And that has had its own adventures, which I’ll post about later. But the other reason, is because my family has lost my box from my office that had my passwords & other important stuff in it (including the keys to our 2 riding lawn mowers), so since I still can’t locate it & hubby found another (questionable) way to start one of them…..I figured, today was the day to give up on finding my box & just change the passwords & make some other changes & move on.

So…….that’s what I’ve done.

Which seems to be the path that I am on lately, but I don’t want to go off the trail I’m on right now & go off on some other tangent, so no more about changes until later on.

Right now…..I seem to be the only one capable of figuring out what to fix for dinner, so I’m going to come to an end on this post & go dig out some pans to make hamburgers & cut up the left over pork loin so my family won’t starve :o)

Plus, my left hand is starting to really hurt again (must still have some inflammation caused from drinking pop still in my system). So, its time to stop typing & switch to reading for a while, plus, go around & shut all of the windows, its getting cold in here from all the “fresh” windy air.

But…..I’ll be back. I have a bit to share & still have stuff to move from my other blog. :o)

Till we meet again. :o)

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Welcome To My Wayward Healing Journey.

This is the post excerpt.

I have another blog site already, but it was intended to go in another direction then where its currently headed, so instead of taking that page away from its intended purpose, I decided to start a different site where I can focus on my journey of healing.

I’ve titled my blog “My Wayward Healing Journey”, because I haven’t gone in a straight line on this journey. I’ve been sidetracked, derailed & ignored my need to heal.

Not because I don’t want to heal, because Lord knows I do, but because I haven’t put myself first yet. So, until I do……..my life as a mom, a homeschooling teacher, homesteader & all my other hats, including that of a wife, take precedence over my pain & healing.

I don’t know if you’ll follow my journey or can relate or have the perfect life. What I do know is this…..We all have our own journey’s to take, we all have a path that we should have followed out of high school or in our 20’s or 30’s or we have path’s that have been forced upon us to take & we got shoved off into another direction that we didn’t plan, choose, want to be on by any stretch of the imagination.

But here we are.

Now what?

Well……for me, I have a couple path’s that I need to deal with & hope I can change the way my current path is on.

I’m going to bring post’s from my other blog to here, they’re about pain, fear, healing, mourning & probably some others.

I hope you will enjoy them (as much as one can when reading about marital issues & emotional pain) enough to subscribe so you can follow, so they’ll come to your inbox.

I am going to get started, but because of life’s demand’s (or in my case appt’s), I won’t get everything moved over today.

Welcome…………and thank you for being here.

 

Enlightening …..

It’s always great <insert sarcasm> to find out that the one family member that you thought you had a good relationship with, thinks the same way about you as everyone else in your family, which is very little. And that YOU are to blame for everyone not wanting to get together.

I know after 50 years of being a part of this family, that this should not come as as a shock or a surprise. But in all honesty, it came as a complete shock & was a big enough one that, it felt like the wind had been knocked out of me, then I was hurt, then I was ticked off. Now, I’m annoyed, irritated & I’ve had enough abuse, manipulation & I just don’t care if I have my sibling’s in my life.

That’s probably not the right attitude to have, but when a simple question gets blown out of proportion on their side & I’m to blame. Well, it’s going to be the current attitude that I’m going to have.

I guess it hurts more because it’s my younger sibling. I tried to be there when they were going through their divorce, I tried to be there when our older sibling pulled their holier than thou attitude & criticized the younger one for getting divorce & not stay put (like they have) through infidelity & the constant fighting & verbal abuse/manipulation. Cause after all it’s against God’s word to get a divorce. (Now, before anyone unfollow’s me for this statement, let me explain. I have a big issue when someone chooses what scripture to use from the Bible to suite their agenda & I’ve dealt with an adulterous spouse, who verbally abused & manipulated me, adultery IS a Biblical reason for divorce, as is abuse. If the adulterer or the abuser can change & the couple can work it out & their marriage becomes stronger, great. But most can’t. I’m still legally married to my husband & he finally stopped his affairs (as far as I know, I haven’t cared to look into it)almost 4 yrs ago & the majority of his verbal abuse & manipulation stopped almost 2 yrs ago. But 20 some years of the crap out of 26 yrs., it’s forever changed me & my marriage will never be the same.) But when you have a family member (in our case a sibling) that should be there for you to lean on, regardless if they agree with what your going through, but instead criticizes or condemns you. It makes the situation harder to go through. So, I tried to be there for my younger sibling. My older one has had to deal with their spouse cheating on them for years, verbally abusive & I think physically, but has also been controlling. For whatever reason, they’ve chosen to stay. Our younger sibling chose not to.

But apparently I will always be the black sheep of the family, I will always be the trouble maker, the difficult one, the whatever negative name or term you can come up with…. that’s probably what they think of me.

So, while my parents appreciate my help (even though they join my sibling’s in their opinion of me most of the time.) I have really have had enough of my family (including my husband & kid’s, but I blame hubby for that) thinking that they can continue treat me like crap. I drew a line in the sand, so to speak for my older sibling a while back (as I thought that they were the only one that I had any issues with. Ha! Little did I know!) And I gave myself a limit on how many more time’s that I was going to reach out to them to try & get thing’s ironed out & start working on patching thing’s up. You see, I have NO!! idea of what *I’ve* done in the last 50 yrs for them to hate me enough to not want me to be around their kid’s, I’ve asked them over & over.

But when you get smacked in the face enough, you quit putting your face out there to get smacked. But, despite that, if anything happened to where they needed someone to be there, I would be right there. I’d make their spouse wish they never touched them in a bad way let alone, wished they were no longer alive. But that’s just who I am.

And now, I’ll do the same for my younger sibling. I won’t be inviting them over anymore, not even for Thanksgiving. I won’t check to see how thing’s are doing or click like on their FB or LinkedIn comments. They’ll never apologize for the comments they said saturday night or sunday morning, so I’ll just let it go, I’ll be cordial when I see them in town or over at my folks.

And all of this may seem childish to those reading it, and I might feel the same, and if there wasn’t a 50 yr history to go back thru, I’d explain it more. But the gist of it is …….. I was the imperfect middle child. My oldest sibling & I are 3 yrs apart, but it should be closer to 20 yrs, as we are so very different. Our parents divorced 1 month to the day prior to my birth. 1 minute our dad was there for my older sibling & the next minute he was gone & I was born. They stayed apart for a year until my dad asked to come back. But a year for a 3 yr old is like a lifetime. 5 yrs after me.

I did not (& do not) like being bossed around, my older sibling was raised in a stricter environment & my younger one in less then me & favored because they were the last.

We were each treated differently, put into a competition via comparing. And my older sibling & I seemed to constantly butt heads. I turned into a terrible teen from 6th grade on, 6th grade was the worst. But 7th & 8th grade wasn’t easy either. I mellowed a little as I got older, but not much. My mom & I were always at odds with each other, that I didn’t care if I could handle it or not, I moved out shortly after turning 18. My younger sibling apparently felt abandoned by me & of course I couldn’t contact them (would be a bad influence on them), I reached out a couple time’s through their school, but didn’t seem to do much, if anything.

I didn’t know they had such an issue with me until sometime after we both started having kid’s & I happened to ask why their spouse was so stand-offish, well, their rendition of me is only part of the problem, the other part is they come from a wealthier family then ours, so they think they’re better then we are. Everyone has a dream

So, from the looks of it …. the younger sibling hasn’t gotten past any of the childhood issues that they claim the older one & I need to get past.

But the funny part of this whole thing ……… I don’t hold any resentment or anger or what ever against them, from crap that happened in our childhood. I wasn’t upset when our older sibling moved out, heck we weren’t close to begin with. The only thing that concerned me was whether or not, I could stand up to our mom like the oldest had to do once. I didn’t think I was as brave or strong like the oldest was. So, I have no idea of what I’m suppose to let go & of course, I’ve apologized for everything, from being born to moving out, to being stubborn, mouthy, you name it.

It obviously didn’t make a difference to either of them up to this point.

BUT!! 2 great thing’s have happened or are happening, I guess you can say.

  1. my mom went through hip surgery a few day’s ago, she sat up on the side of her bed this morning, before my dad got in there. Woo whoo!! And then today she’s done over 590 steps between our living room & dining room (& technically bathroom) with just using her walker. I am SOOOOOOOOOOO proud of her. And my dad has been right there, she is his sole focus. It’s awesome to see all this (sucks that she’s hurting & scared the crap out of me when she was in the hospital though).
  2. Whiskey, our cow I mentioned in a previous post ….. has gone into labor (about 3 hrs ago). so I will be going over tomorrow sort of early to see if she’s had it or having issues or if we need to be more patient.

Kid’s want her have twins (remember the dad is a miniature), It will be sort of cool if she does. I would prefer if she has one, but am mainly wanting her to have a heifer (girl) calf, as her first/last one was a bull (boy) calf & I really wanted him to be a her instead. So, I am once again hoping for a heifer out of Whiskey, but will be happy to get a healthy calf whatever the sex may be.

YEAH!!! for my mom & Yeah for a baby soon.

Thanks for reading my ranting. I have been trying really hard to not break down bawling while I was writing this, too hard to explain to others what I’m crying about, so it’s best to not let it start. :o) But pain, seems to be, part of loving my sibling’s & being the outsider, outcast, black sheep. Oh well…..nothing new.

2 more weeks until October is over….yikes!!

Fall has arrived .. Winter is on the horizon …

I can’t believe October is here, or should I say, October is already half way over, it’s already the 14th.

2020 is a blur, for many, due to Covid-19 it’s been beyond miserable. Everyone, in some way has been affected by it. So many stories have spread around by “officials” who have also back tracked most.

But guy’s (& gal’s)…it’s OCTOBER!! For the USA, it means fall, colder month’s for a lot of us, except for some in the south, longer for the sunrise to appear & gets darker earlier in the evening. And for some of us, fall, fall colors, fall temps, harvesting our garden’s, harvesting our fruit (though some of the fruit happens in July). Plants start their dormant procedure, the tree’s that have leaves, they start changing from green to gold or red tones before going brown or just falling off.

For store’s that means shoving the Halloween costume’s & decorations back into a smaller area, it’s time to bring out Christmas decorations in LARGE FULL splendor & Thanksgiving gets basically forgotten because it’s decoration were put in with Halloween.

For me, while I love the fall (when we can actually experience it), it also means no more irrigating the field’s, no more weed whacking or mowing or enjoying the summer life & warmth. I’ve never had to go out anywhere to enjoy my summer like many have to. Don’t get me wrong, I do love to go fishing, camping, hiking or exploring nature in general. But for some reason, I’m ok with staying home too.

I guess it could be too many years of being around people who have ruined those activities either by destroying area’s I’ve gone to in some form or some government entity has closed it off for some non-good reason. Not to mention, there just seems to be way more rude & disrespectful people out & about this year then years past & it’s just a big turn off for me.

As I sit here, typing this out, I have to admit that my mind is beginning to wonder ….. just a bit. Bryon Adams is playing those were the best years of my life on the radio, I look out the office window to see mint, Juniper tree’s, some unknown tree with it’s yellow rusted red & lime green leaves slowly falling off, a willow tree with it’s long limbs blowing eastern-ly in the wind & even the pine tree’s in their tall elegant splendor swaying along with the wind, lower to the ground is the still green grass, not quite needing to be mowed & the overgrown mint all being moved by the wind blowing towards the east. A nearby pine tree has shed a lot of it’s dried needles, so that area isn’t quite as green as the rest.

As I stopped typing for a minute & leaned back in my very worn out office chair, I could look out a bit more to see our bigger & probably older willow tree swaying in the wind, with so many dead branches up at the crown that we need to get cut down. I can envision it at it’s peak of splendor, all the branches & limbs green & full of life, it takes me back to my childhood day’s of my dad having us help him to make a rope swing for us, by us climbing out onto the thick/wide branch to get the rope over or my sister & I sitting on branches the have come out of the trunk that seemed to be perfectly created for small bottoms to use their magnificent branches as stools or to lay back to stare up through the beautiful canopy to the sky, thinking it just can’t get any better & how I never wanted to leave.

Unfortunately, the day did come where I wasn’t given a choice, I had to not only leave my tree, but my home, as we were moving. I never wanted to leave & actually told my mom that I would stay up in the tree & not bother the new owner’s. She didn’t agree. Of course our new home was only blessed with a part of a mutilated trunk & a skinny branch or 2 of a willow that we eventually did away with. We were left with tall elm tree’s that didn’t care if you wanted to climb into their canopy, they wouldn’t allow it. But we did get another rope swing that stayed there for 30 some years, until the board seat fell apart, then we lost 1 rope. My kid’s didn’t care they used the 1 rope left to create their own fun & that magnificent Elm didn’t fail them either, even when most of it’s structure was failing itself.

Now, my kids have their own willow to love for as long as Grandmother Willow will be with us & if my kid’s have kid’s of their own (none of them want any), then they will still have a willow tree of their own.

Fall usually only makes a minor appearance in my neck of the woods (so to speak) & then instantly jumps into winter. So, while we’ve been in “fall” since almost late September, I am enjoying it so far. Even though I still do not like cold.

But October brings Halloween upon us, which this year I think will be different for many, but for us …. it’s also a birthday. Well, more of a remembrance as the whose birthday lands on that day, has long since past. But there’s not a day or Halloween that goes by that I do not think of my Grandma, wishing she could see my kids.

But before I get too emotional, I’m changing the subject. :o)

I wish I knew & talked to people in other countries, kind of like a Pen Pal, I used to be more sociable then I am now. I miss having a pen pal. Maybe I should find some cousin’s I haven’t seen since I was little & start there? LOL

Anyway, I have some exciting news that I wish I could shout off the roof top’s for anyone in the Philippine’s, but since I only have my long lost cousin’s somewhere that are from there. I will shout out some less exciting news for someone outside of my family, and that is …………..

Our Jersey cow Whiskey, appears to be pregnant my our miniature Jersey Bull Jack. I am sooooooooooooo excited about that, because 1. I almost lost Whiskey 2 years ago after she got physically down from feeding her calf who wasn’t quite old enough to wean & an older steer that was in the same area. So, I skipped getting her bred her 2nd year, getting a calf just wasn’t that important to me, I wanted her healthy.

Well, she never did wean her calf, who was no longer a baby. No matter how many time’s we separated them or put a contraption on his nose that poked her, she let him nurse. He was 3 yrs old when he went off to fill our freezer & despite having Jack around, he just seemed too short for that job for her. We did get 2 mini angus girls (called Aberdeen Angus or Lowline) that he was successful with (still to my surprise as they didn’t seem to like him). But as I try not to squeal with excitement, my dad was a little freaked out & shocked to see her bag explode in growth overnight recently & had me come to see if she needed to be taken to the vet. I figured either she wasn’t interested in a short husband or she was damaged because of her previous ailment.

So, much to my surprise to discover she is showing signs of an impending birth. Not the time of the year when I would prefer her to be calving, but I’m just excited that she’s healthy enough to once again have a calf & thrilled she let Jack do his job. Course, I don’t think he’s realized that he’s done it with her as he keeps trying. LOL

Whiskey very pregnant here. With Butch the buck in the background.
This is Jack at 11 mos old. He’ll be 2 this coming December.

Whiskey is a standard size Jersey & she is roughly 4-5 yrs old. Jack is younger & of course shorter. He stands about 36-38 inches tall (haven’t measured him yet) & he will turn 2 this December 2020. He’s a knot head, but he still loves his scratches, hate’s fly spray. We’ve had him since he was a few months old. Whiskey can also be a knot head, but she is just an awesome cow. Loves her scratches & treat’s & food in general. Not fond of fly spray, but once she figures out the fly’s are not bothering her, she puts up with it. She’s halter broke, Jack is too, though he’s got a fat head, so it’s not easy putting a typical halter on him & of course now, he’s without horns (thankfully).

Fall …. September …

I can’t believe fall is already here, seems heat wise that summer just got here in August & even though we still have warmth (well, most day’s), morning’s are still chilly (though lately they colder in the mid-to high 40’s). But Autumn will officially be here (in the USA) September 22.

So, in the Southern Hemisphere, you guy’s are coming out of your winter?

I am so not ready for winter. I do like early-mid-fall weather when we get it. But soon another year will be ending.

I need to get back to fixing lunch & cleaning, we have Johnny Cash playing in the back ground, but I needed to be here.

Somewhere out there, is someone who needs a change, needs a friend, needs an alternative to what their doing & my goal is to hopefully find people like that, and make a difference in their life, touch their life like other’s have mine.

I just don’t know if I ever will.

The End Of August …….

Can you believe it?! We’re barely a week away from August being over. What happened to summer? And I’m not just asking what happened to it, because it seems like we’ve been distancing from each other all summer, but also because it didn’t seem to warm up until a month ago, maybe 2. At least not here for us.

And now ……. I get to end my August month …… sick! What ….. The ….. Heck!!! is up with that? This time, it wasn’t my husband that brought it home, at least he doesn’t claim ownership, but it was our oldest. Course some of his symptoms were rough, so we decided to have him tested for covid. Thankfully it came back negative.

But my other kids, all seem to have come down with a sinus/chest cold. And for me …….that’s not good. I’ve been susceptible to bronchitis for a lot of years, thanks to having a 2 month bout of it years back & it’s miserable.

But some good nourishing food, hot sauce & Essential oil’s, we’ll be right as rain.

Course all this smoke from all the fires surrounding in & out of our state, just doesn’t help.

But I am so excited about what the future will bring. I am going to attempt to hold my first zoom meeting/webinar & I’m hoping I don’t have any technical difficulty’s, but when you have a computer that doesn’t like to cooperate on a normal basis, it’s a bit scary & then of course, what if those who you invite don’t show up? Not sure if it’d be embarrassing or heartbreaking. But it still makes me nervous to do this.

Well, as much as I’m sure your enjoying reading my ramblings, I best get back to doing dishes & laundry so we have stuff for dinner. :o)

Hope you have a great rest of your day & a fabulous week.

I HAVE TO share …..

I just have to share this with all of you. It’s a few day’s after the fact, but doesn’t take anything away from the awesomeness of this. :o)

Are you familiar with a product like this?

Have you ever used Polyurethane? We used this when redoing the floors in our house when we first bought it …… 3 years ago. Well, a few day’s ago I thought What the heck!. And used this product below.

These 3 items are the only thing’s I used.

I absolutely LOVE this stain removing product…….love it!!! And the following picture’s will show why.

The Polyurethane spot

This is one of the spots or blobs of Polyurethane that my husband managed to get on our counter that wouldn’t come off with scraping or anything. Nothing could touch it ….. Till now.

dissolving not even a full minute after applying the Sol-U-Mel
Clean all gone.

It took less than 5 minutes to clean both spots. The small one was actually thicker then the big/wide one. This product is absolutely amazing in so many ways. I’ve used it on Pine Sap that was on my old pickup hood & window, using just a Q-Tip. It was fabulously quick. We’ve got a baked Enamel kitchen sink that easily gets stained, whether its scuff marks or rust ring’s from our cast iron skillet or just general food stains. It cleans it whiter & brighter then Clorox, but WAY less stinky. (Unless your a klutz like me & knock over the bottle. Then it has a strong smell, buy short lasting, unlike Bleach).

It’s safe for our laundry, strong enough for the men to use it in the garage & other outdoor projects. My next test will be to remove the polyurethane off the kick board trim along the floor in a few places that hubby missed the floor initially (LOL) that I’m going to try it on, so I will be sure to take pictures (close up’s too) & I have a BBQ grill that I want to see if I can spit shine, so there’s that test too.

I’ll keep you posted. :o)

Like I said……fantastic product.

Who & Why we’re here

I don’t normally make a daily post, mainly because I just don’t have the time. But yesterday I got a notice for a new follower (Thank you), it came up differently then it does when someone likes a post (Thank you for that too), so it took me a while to figure out if it was a post from someone else whose been quieter then me.

As I read My Wayward Healing Journey, it dawned on me that, 1. that was me, 2. I haven’t wrote anything about any healing that I might have done & 3. It’s been a very wayward journey for sure, detour here, break down there, detour here.

I could have named it My Zig-Zag Journey, but I don’t think I’ve really gone in a z pattern. It just kind of mosey over yonder here & there, I haven’t focused on my marriage at all. It’s at the it is what it is stage. Meaning, I don’t think it’s going to improve so drastically that hubby & I will be madly in love, smooching, making out, sleeping together in the same bed again or any of that.

He still makes dumb ass comment’s like “Tell him goodnight & get on with it” if he deems I’m in the bathroom too long. And I think ya know…..this just isn’t something that is a joking matter to me. Mainly, because he use to go to the library (bathroom) to talk to his thing’s or make multiple trips to the gas station for a refill (he’d have 6-10 refill’s from the time he got home or on a weekend day), and it was always something he’d accuse me of doing when, cheating on him via text with someone. It use to be that he’d accuse me of still wanting my x-husband for years, then it switched to having an ongoing affair for 10 yrs with a high school friend. My x husband & I hardly ever argued, which was odd since he was either doing long-haul or working on a cattle ranch being gone for a week at a time or so out at cow camp. So, you’d think we’d be out of sync enough to argue. But …… nope.

But when hubby made that comment, it was an instant flashback & I thought who & what in the h*** is he talking about. But I knew it was best not to react to it, because it always started an argument.

But my initial reaction showed me, that I still have a LOT of healing to do in that specific area. And that actually irritated me greatly. I don’t want to keep these pushable buttons available for him to push. So, that’s something I still have to work on.

But in the area of his oldest daughter who seems to have the born stupid & losing ground genes, when he found out that she’s demonstrating her desire to take her kids & run back east to her worthless momma. I didn’t even go into panic mode of oh we need to do something to help those (grand)kids before she gets really stupid, I was like I am just not going there, not this time.

You see, every time! I have reached out to help that girl, from the time she was 12 1/2 yrs old when we first learned about her, to 3 yrs ago(she’s almost 30). She has kicked me in the teeth, stabbed me in the heart & turned her back on her half sibling’s (my kids) right after she tells them she wants us/them in her life & to have a relationship with her kids. We got to meet the 3rd oldest the day after he was born, we stepped in to help her from losing her kids thanks to a situation her half sister put her & her family into & after that…poof, we didn’t exist. She’s got another little girl now (4 kids total), have never met the youngest & she’s already several months old.

I just refuse to be sucked back into that trap with her. Spent over 20 yrs begging her dad (hubby) to want & love me & 3-4 yrs ago I was done with our marriage & with caring if I mattered to him. My focus was on me & our kids, well, mostly the kids. Every time I tried to be there for her, same as her dad, I got screwed.

So, I guess I’ve done baby steps over the years. It’s really hard to show, tell your kids how important their sibling’s should be to them, when at least 2 of their half sibling’s are jerks & 1 of the 2 has repeatedly hurt them personally. But I keep trying to get them to realize that they have to be there for each other (just the 4 of them), because that’s all they got, is each other.

But I have focused on not being anyone’s door mat, doing thing’s that I enjoy, that make me happy, which oddly enough is doing thing’s for my family, yes, even for my hubby.

I may not be in love with him, want to be intimate or anything like that anymore. I still like doing thing’s for him, it’s a way (I guess) to show him I appreciate him working so many long hours & day’s for a lot of years of the kid’s early years. So, if I can buy him a tool he thinks he wants or might need, then I try to finagle (honestly) finances to where we can get it as soon as possible.

A lot of times, I have to put off something that I want, or put off a bill, in order to get it done, but I do try.

I do wonder, at times, is there any hope for us? Am I the problem that keeps us from being happily married. And then, like clock work, he blows a gasket, blames me for something that happened, my fault that we’re broke, that he can’t do this or that, or buy something that he wants or it’s my fault that we can’t buy material for a project & yet, it’s MY truck that’s been in the garage up on blocks since last fall. His car is drivable, his motorcycle is drivable. My 1 ton, nope. My expedition was out of commission for over 6 mos. But I make sure his are running as fast as we can get the money together, which for the most part is maybe 6 mos.

It just get’s frustrating, when you put all the blame on yourself for why think are still off, but after almost 3 yrs or almost 4 yrs, you think “I guess it’s time to try, no sense of being married to your roommate.” But like I said above, he’ll (usually) say (or do) something that was the same snotty remarks or comments he use to while in the midst of his affairs, so, it just makes me wonder….if he’s back at it. There are times when it’s so severe that the first reaction that I have is “we just need to get a divorce, I’m so done with this.“, but then I’m reminded that I have 4 kids that don’t deserve to lose their home because their parents have issues. And other times the reaction is “oh great! he’s doing again. Fine, let him find someone he can be in love with, everyone needs someone to be in love with them & to be in love & for sex”, of course.

And oddly enough, I am actually ok with that. But she will have to realize that she will not get the house or the property, but she can have him, but she wouldn’t be living here, so they’d have to live at her place. But I didn’t give up my life & education to better my future to help his excel & raise our kids for some skank to slide in & take credit for my hard work. That & I don’t think my kids would stand for that to happen either, not even if they were moved out when something like that might happen.

Yes, I am a witch. After being with him for 26 yrs & his lies & affairs happening for at least 23 yrs, I’ve earned it. :o)

But in some area’s I am trying & other area’s I am not or will not budge.

With all this said…….The update is ….I started this 2 day’s ago, so the top comment of “posting daily”, doesn’t really apply anymore. LOL

And I am going to go start on dinner or making cookies. I want to get a head start on holiday treat’s, so I am starting with chocolate cookies, for a treat & then freeze to see how it’ll be after frozen, same with sugar cookies. I like to make food basket’s for everyone, for Christmas, but didn’t get it done for the last 2 years. So, I want to get a head start on such thing’s. Don’t think I’ll try it with bread though, freezing that is.

The other journey I’ve been focused on is sharing our Online Health & Wellness Online Shopping store, to share their awesome products & the other benefit’s, it’s slow going, but you know……I love the products & the opportunity they offer, like being able to stay home & not be forced to wear a mask just to shop. But that’s just me. 🙂

Thanks for reading, please stay safe & healthy. Have a great Friday or weekend if your outside of the US 🙂

Out with the old .. In with the new!

Wow! I can not believe that we are now in the last week of July (I almost wrote December as that’s what was running through my mind) & this close to jumping into August. :-O

Just got onto the computer first time all day (Well, it’s almost all day as it’s currently 2:29 pm mountain standard time), haven’t really read any email’s yet, have something else that I need to do, but came here first.

I had to start over, as I got started on sort of a rant, but that’s not what I was meaning to do. What I wanted to do is share with you some of what I’ve been up to.

Neighbor’s back field.

We have an absentee neighbor. He owns 8 1/4 acres behind me, it use to be part of the property we own, but he & his wife got divorced, so he kept the back half.

Anyway, what your looking at is, a patch of thistle (purple flowers) that need cut & some of what has been cut. His property end at the fence line by that big tree to the left of the picture, you can see a wood fence post directly ahead.

Neighbor’s thistle near the canal.

This one should have been the first one. It’s just before the one above. The yellow flowers you see at the top is the opposite side of the canal which is where the tall green stuff is running. The tree’s on the top right is roughly where the south border is.

East of the first picture area.

I’m working along the canal area here to get rid of the (what I think is) Scotch Thistle.

Just a hair above the area of the above picture. This what I still have to do, all around the dead scraggly tree, clear back to that big tree to the left in the back.

There’s a couple Mullein plants to the left.

this goes in between the top two 🙂
Our headgate for the canal that we share with the absentee neighbor.

That can get overgrown with grass & make it kind of dangerous if you don’t pay attention. The canal company “fixed” some holes where the water was actually going around their check area. But just made a mess with their rock & dirt “fix”

Still by the headgate, weed whacking rock is such fun. NOT!
South of the headgate. The canal company just pushed over a Russian Olive tree over & piled up rock when they “fixed” a few holes where the water was escaping around the check gate area.

Now, this is just a small area of the work I did for the neighbor & doesn’t show the area that I had to do on our own property. But I have to tell you. There is NO WAY on earth that I could have done either property without having this…

Life Saver ….. energy/power bar.

That little delicious bar, has enabled me to do so much weed whacking work over the last 2 years, I know without a doubt….. I could not have done 7 acres of the neighbor’s 8 1/4 acres or an 1/4-acre of our own property or a 1/2 acre of a leased 2 acres (that I’ve got to get back to) without the help of this bar or for the last few day’s, the Shake.

weed whacked 2019 & on the other side of the line of trees to the right of the picture.
weed whacked 2019 finished the uncut area later.

The 2 pictures above, is when I first discovered how powerful that tasty little energy bar is & saved me from hurting severely.

I have 2 lower back injuries. 1 from diving as a newbie into a pool 30 yrs ago & the other from getting an epidural 16 yrs ago, when I got stabbed with the needle into the nerve twice. The epidural nerve damage causes me the most pain & issue’s. But this little energy bar, designed to be used at the gym for working out, to help lose weight, get energy & not have muscle pain from our workout’s, some how …..keeps my lower back from stiffening up & being very painful & allows me to work out weed whacking for hours at a time.
It’s not a miracle bar, where you instantly lose weight or anything. But I can tell you for me, it’s almost a miracle fix. It uses the fat I have (plenty to share), to give me the energy that I need to work for several hours, it works with my body (cells) to prevent the chemical’s in my body from being fatigued & hurt. Which, just for my lower back alone, has been a life saving blessing.

I’m telling you now ……. IF you work out at a gym or your like me & do your working out at home on the farm. Or even if you just have some back pain issues, this energy bar & shake is soooooooooooo worth getting & keeping on hand. I couldn’t do what I do without either option, serious.

I need to go back & get the rest of the picture’s of everywhere I’ve cut thistle this past month. From our back door to the headgate is a mile. So, for several weeks, I’ve walked several miles, just doing the neighbor’s place.

But before I take up anymore of your value time, I’m going to say Catch ya later & get this published, I’m late on getting dinner started.

Take care …….

What a time….

Wow! I can’t believe that we are on the down hill side of summer. July is closing in on the end, I don’t know about anyone, but I am so not looking forward to winter coming again. We finally got summer to show up this month.

Which has been just so wonderful since I’ve spent the last 2 weeks or so using a weed eater to cut down 6’3″ + tall thistle that got away from me & from our absentee neighbor’s property. Course he had way more thistle then the one we had to focus on. The neighbor showed up Thurs., but didn’t start working on his property until Saturday, but quit before the day was half over & I did his property (8 1/4 acres), well, 7 acres of it. I refuse to walk across old dried wood the canal company has across the check thing just to get to it.

But I’m going to take Monday off & just focus on house work, garden & my home business. Maybe take a relaxing shower in the morning to wake up a bit. I still have some thistle on our own pasture to finish up, but I don’t care at the moment. LOL

Do you ever wish that you had the money or the ability to help others? There’s so many people that I wish I could buy some great supplement’s for, so I could help them change thing’s. Or help them earn some supplemental income. But outside of sharing the opportunity with them, this is the only way I can help other’s.

But~~it’s up to them.

‘Till then……..I am going to focus on, thing’s that I can sort of control. LOL
Like getting this blog finished up (I really need a real website to work on) & house work & office paper work, laundry, you know the stuff.

Thank you for being here & I hope thing’s have not gone crazy with Covid stuff for you again, like it’s happening here.

Stay cool, most of all ………… stay healthy.

June is almost over

Wow! Only 5 more day’s (as of this writing) and then June will be over. I just got done with a business email, at least I think I sent it, kept getting an error message of sort’s. I am really beginning to hate technology.

It seems like it’s just a way for computer company’s to get into our system’s through a back door that they created & for bully’s to go from being face to face to cyber. Same with the sicko’s.

But …… I digress.

If it wasn’t for technology, I wouldn’t be able to meet so many people from other part’s of the state, let alone from other country’s. Does anyone remember the day’s of Pen Pal’s? I don’t even remember how I found any. But I miss writing letter’s to people & miss getting letter’s. I’ve never been one to seek out people, way too shy, but writing is different.

When I was little, I wrote to my grandma, who lived in a different state, daily. I mean we wrote every day. I loved getting her letter’s & writing to her about my day (good or bad). And back then stamps were cheap, like a penny to 5 cents. Now, it’s cheaper to call everyday. I think stamps (in the US at least) are like 47 cents or something. I couldn’t afford that cost now. Course, back then, my grandma couldn’t really afford the 1 cent either. But it wasn’t something I really understood, as I was always finding penny’s on the ground & she walked everywhere, so I figured it’d be the same for her.

But now, as an adult/parent, I understand better. I use to write to my cousin while he was in the military, all the time too. Course, that was a different story. It didn’t seem to matter how often I would write, as it would take forever for him to get any of them. But we’d each write, what we called, a novel. That is where it would be 12 to 24 pages front & back. He had such chicken scratch writing, horrible I swear. But somehow, I could always read it.

I just can’t believe June is almost over, summer is on the downhill side of thing’s now & for my area …… it just got here, literally. How about in your area? Going for winter or summer?

I hope you all have a great day, evening or afternoon, whatever area your in now. For me, we are in early evening.

Take care

2020 Crazy year

This has been a crazy year so far.

Pandemic. Riots. Removing history(again).

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

This pandemic has been worsened by the media propaganda, but regardless of what numbers they might create. The fact that this virus, this pandemic, isn’t like all the other’s we’ve seen in the past & it’s not like the flu we deal with every year. It’s different, but not in a good way, there are a lot of people who don’t want to go to the stores to do their essential shopping, partly because they just don’t have a lot of time. But mainly because they have health issue’s or their children do & they don’t want to risk being exposed to someone who has this virus. But what’s the alternative?

Well, the truth is …… I know of an alternative, I’ve already talked about it on other posts actually. Can you name a better way to get your soaps, shampoo’s, health supplement’s, cleaning supplies, that are non-toxic, safe for your family & the environment AND have them delivered directly to your door a short time after you’ve ordered them?

No waiting 10-14 day’s for that sort of thing. If you have fears about going to the store, hoping that, that trip will be the one where you can get cleaning supply’s, especially the disinfectant.

I know of a lady who has no spare time, she’s got 2 special needs children, a massage practice, going to school & so much more. And she’s a single mom on top of all of this. She’s also living in an area where the riot’s are happening right now, someone threw 2 Molotov cocktails at her apartment building. That’s beyond scary. But the cool thing, is that she got her cleaning supplies brought to her door the other day & since they are non-toxic, she doesn’t have to worry when her kid’s help with the cleaning.

I like the fact they have a botanical disinfectant that has been recognized by the EPA & put on their list of product’s that kills germs & virus’s. And the awesome thing is ….. we’ve discovered it does more. It’s a good deruster. NOT recommended for that, but my youngest son decided he needed to see what all the new cleaner’s could do, besides cleaning.

LOL Anything to get out of cleaning 😉

So …. What would you like to do? Deal with all the out of state rioter’s who’ve come to ruin your town & hurt your neighbor’s & friend’s or would you like to limit your trips to town?

Ability to buy all your essential’s product’s & have them delivered right to you & your ability to access a ton of other store’s.

Man, there is just so much more to share…..but I can’t.

This isn’t an MLM company, this is a top class, quality, out of this world company like no other company I’ve ever heard of or been a part of before.

I can go on & on & on about this company, but I’ll just say this ….. My blood has dropped to pre-hypertension & the good zone, I have energy that I haven’t had in 15 yrs-ish, it’s not a 100% back, but it’s just awesome to not struggle all day every day being chronically fatigued. And for that, I will always be grateful.

And I could talk about how much the supplements that my husband is on, that’s helped him to start losing weight (not what it’s for) & it’s helped his blood sugar number’s drop (also not what it’s for) & what’s really impressive about that is that he’s had to stop taking his medication for his diabetes recently because of a recall & it’s helped maintain his number’s. Not sure if they’ve dropped anymore, have to get him to test here shortly.

But, for now ……. I’m going to say Thank you for being here & if you are curious, email me here & let’s talk about getting your essential items delivered directly to your door.

In the mean time, stay safe, healthy & enjoy your summer. 🙂