Decisions, Decisions……

Hello on this cold, windy, newly frozen snowish icy day….. I have a dilemma that I’ve been tossing around on & off for a while (& I’m doing this now, instead of making 3 business calls, that I’m already starting to panic over at just the thought of) but I need some help with this.

I started this particular blog to basically document my journey on healing from a miserable marriage, to try & help others that have made it through their difficulties either still with the spouse that caused them or without them in their life.

But then …. in November, we signed up for the E-commerce business to work towards making some money on the side that will eventually replace my husband’s income & then some. And I wanted to share this business with others…….partly to build our business by pointing out the benefits of redirecting a small portion of your groceries to better products, to great savings both through your own store & your connection to the vast number of retail partners the company have partnered with. And the other part is because I was excited.

Even though I have panic/anxiety issues over making phone calls & trying to share with them the benefits & awesome possibilities there is to be a part of this business. I look forward to hearing their story (I am a fix it person & good listener) because as some one has done other home businesses before but wasn’t sure of the possibility of success with them (despite their compensation claims), I see the possibility with this company, I’ve heard the testimonial of a single mom that makes 6 figures now. I’ve seen the actual compensation of other people. The company actually shares what the actual annual income is for the members. The high, low & average pay. They give a realistic view.

I WANT to help that mom who has a 1 yr old, 2 yr old & 3 yr old to be able to stay home, or the 77% disabled Vet stay out of his shell & bring in a decent income so he can fulfill his dreams & desires & not try to live on $1400/month with all the expenses we have when renting (or owning). It’s hard & it’s depressing.

BUT! The reason for this post today, is I would like your opinion on whether or not, I should start a new blog that focuses solely on the ups & downs of the new business journey & leave this one solely for my personal/marital journey?

I would love it for those of you who’ve “liked” the business post’s, if you actually wanted to sign up for this business LOL, as this can work around your current job/business, gives you more income that won’t necessarily go away, like some blog related income. Since the business I’m with is products we need/use every day, like shampoo or the No poo? (dry shampooing) which is a new product this month, shaving cream, body soap, bar soap, lotion (ever heard of or seen Renew), coffee, hot cocoa, wellness products for those who hike, work out (or as I told my husband yesterday…..just getting up out of a chair), Essential Oils…Over 400 products of our day to day stuff that doesn’t have the deadly chemicals in it, like the grocery store items……there’s no middleman either.

Anyway…focus…focus (that’s for me).

Should I create a separate blog site for the business related stuff? Yay or Nay?

Now that I have to focus……I have to go make calls (2 of which haven’t even responded to emails or texts, let alone returned phone calls (of the one that had a working answering machine)…..makes me feel like I’m harassing them when I call back more then once.


Goals & Changes

I need to make this short (kid demands), but wanted to ask you what your goals for the new year were or are? Are any of them a change from last year or the year before?

Do you want to change? Do you accomplish your goals? Ever?

I can say……No for me. I have rarely made any goals, rarely accomplished any. I changed who I was 25 years ago & become someone I didn’t want to be in hopes to make someone else happy……That’s NEVER a good reason to change.

Probably 10 years ago or so, I did set a goal to start losing weight, I did not like how I felt or how I looked. It had nothing to do with the way society perceives how women should look now or snarky comments from my spouse. It was how I felt from being 95 pounds over weight & how I felt when I looked in the mirror.

Of course…we are our own biggest & meanest Critic. But when you already have health issues, getting fluffy, fat or Obese, doesn’t help at all & I was born with a heart murmur. So, the added weight on top of the stress in my married life has done a number on me physically. A couple years ago things came to a head in my married life & I set a goal. Course, it was almost at the end of the year….but hey, a goal is a goal right?

That goal & focus helped me to do what I needed to do to be able to help buy a home for our kids. I still have the weight loss goal that I’m striving towards, after watching my mom & brother over the years, I know that a “diet” is not for me. I have to have a life change.

Well, I tweaked our diet over the year (& still have more tweaking to do), but that first simple tweak helped me to drop 40 pounds right away. On top of 10 pounds I dropped prior after drinking a supplemental drink for a while. I still need to tweak more, get rid of more processed foods including white sugar & I’ll get there. It’s a slow process, if you go fast you gain it right back. And I did. I regained 10 pounds & haven’t really lost it. I’m losing weight…I think it’s water weight though….which is helpful.

One of my goals this year, a personal goal, is to go on vacation (which I wrote about in another post earlier)..but I want to go see my Aunt, do some genealogy while I’m there. One of my business goals will hopefully help me accomplish that. I need the help from 17 people though in order to make it happen. It scares me to rely on others to help me. It’s never worked out well before, but I think it’ll be different this time. :o)

One of my family business goals is to accomplish more around the farm so life will be easier for human & critters alike. And then one of my family goals, is to make more foods from scratch (I can’t wait till my goats starting kidding out… raw milk ice cream out the wazoo) 😉 & some snacks…..speaking of which.

I’m outta here to go make some chocolate chip cookies :o)

What goals & changes do you want to make?


Welcome to 2019 & a Challenge

Well…….here we are January 2, 2019……

How does it feel????

(Well, This is a revamp of yesterday’s post, because I had WAY too many interruptions & I know that I got off track a time or 2.)

I had bigger plans for my New Year start then laying in bed feeling like my head was on the end of a rope being spun around & my stomach was playing catch up. But that’s how I ended 2018 & began 2019……sick in bed, for some unknown & unpleasant reason.

So, here I am, now….beginning my 2019. I have a challenge for you & me both….but first……

I wanted to let you guys check out my Wellness Box that got delivered today :o)

January’s Wellness box delivered today….let’s see what’s inside….

The Wellness goodies I got today…not including the cowboy snow man on the side.

Pain-A-trate: has 4 natural ingredients in the perfect combination to deliver deep, soothing pain relief :

A white, crystalline substance formed in the cinnamomum camphora tree that thrives in eastern asia. For centuries, camphor has been treasured for its pain-relieving and other medical uses. It is also widely used in aromatherapy. Cool to the touch, camphor provides an immediate cooling sensation for sore muscles, and helps numb aches and pains.

A crystal made from the oil of mentha arvensis, or cornmint. Cornmint can contain more than 60% menthol. Grown in india, it benefits farmers by growing in the off-season, when fields would otherwise lie fallow. A cornmint crop also helps control pests and diseases. Menthol actually stimulates the skin’s cold receptors, producing a cooling sensation that later transforms into a deep heating sensation for sore muscle relief.

Methyl Salicylate
A component of the oil naturally distilled from the wintergreen plant. Wintergreen oil is a traditional remedy used by Native Americans to relieve pain. The wintergreen plant is native to North America.
Methyl salicylate speeds blood flow to your muscles and helps reduce muscle inflammation and pain. It produces a soothing, heating sensation. It actually nullifies the pain receptors in your muscles, causing the muscle to relax. Reduced pain, relaxation, and increased blood flow speed healing and muscle recovery.

Melaleuca Oil
The pure oil of the Melaleuca alternifolia plant. Melaleuca Oil has phenomenal penetration abilities. Its use in Pain-A-Trate is to take the properties of camphor, menthol, and methyl salicylate deep into the muscle, making Pain-A-Trate much more effective than grocery store brands. Pain-A-Trate was developed to penetrate deeper than other brands by incorporating Melaleuca Oil, which is known for its penetrating properties.

I can tell you from personal experience, the Pain-A-trate works quickly. I used it on my neck yesterday as it was hurting & causing a dull headache at the base of my skull. It might smell like Bengay, but I think it works faster than it or even icy hot. NOW!!! THAT is just MY personal opinion, I can not & won’t make a claim that everyone will have the same experience. But the only quick affect I’ve had with relieving pain or relaxing muscles is when I used Peppermint Essential Oil & Coconut Oil combined.

Now, if you look below, you’ll see my recent order. I bought the ProvexCV Blood Pressure Support & the Good Zymes Digestive Enzymes. That’s it….35 points. Then I got $40 dollars of product..in this case it was 4 products…for FREE.

It’s AWESOME!!!!!!!
My January order.

IF I wasn’t a Preferred Member, then I would have paid $140 for all of it, before tax & shipping. But because I am, I only paid $57.98 before shipping & tax. I know of blood pressure med’s & probiotics & enzyme products that could easily cost that much individually (especially if it’s pharmaceutical created or some of the health food store products), I’ve bought some. But buying it through my own store & being a preferred member, I get 30-50% savings right off the top, I met my 35 point requirement, with Loyalty shopping Dollars, I can get some products for free & I don’t have to deal with icy roads, traffic jams, people texting while driving or in the case of holiday’s…I don’t have to deal with crazy holiday shoppers. It’s all done from the comfort of my own home.

When I do go to the grocery store, I can by-pass the dishwashing/laundry soap isle, or the shampoo/shaving isle (except for the end part of the isle where the razor blades are located), but it cuts my shopping down. And I have access to 670 retail partners where I can shop for clothes, other household items, specialty items (like delicious popcorn or chocolate) or car parts from Autozone or PetsMart. And through the retail partners…..I earn a % automatically in Loyalty Shopping Dollars, they have discounts available right off & then sale prices (usually) on top of that.

How many businesses or company’s can you say does that? Or would do that? None that I know of.

Now……I have tried at least 5 or more Home Based Businesses in the last 21-22 years. Everyone of them was a MLM (Multi-Level Marketing) business (most had great products…..I loved & would buy again from), but everyone of them failed as soon as I made it through my warm market (family, friends, co-workers), why? Because I had to have up to 5 shows a week or several large events a month & have big orders with either, plus inventory & I had to convince/beg/plead & push the products onto people. Then if I was lucky to get someone to sign up under me, I not only had to push my own business, I had to help those under me who only signed up to help me, push their business too. Epic fail.

This company is NOT an MLM, it IS, however……a (state recognized for 34 yrs) E-COMMERCE & what that means is, when you sign up…..you have your own store you redirect your current every day grocery, health & wellness shopping to. You buy what you want to buy through your own store.

That’s it.

But how do you make any money? You introduce people to the company (by showing them the Presentation Overview) & show them how easy it is to redirect some of their every day shopping to their own store & you earn a commission/residual off of what they order. No hassling, no pushy salesman tactics, just redirection.

I earned my first commission check last month(by enrolling 1 active Preferred Member in Nov, I’ll get a slightly bigger one this month (in another week or so)from enrolling 1 in Dec.

Now, in the previous post I did on this, I had some long winded goals. I’m going to try & explain

Business Goals

That’s simple…..I want to excel in this business. For 4 simple reasons…..my kids. I want to update their wardrobe, buy them new beds & bedding, I want to get them good warm winter gear, instead of seeing them put layer on top of layer. I want to make our $1400.00/mo house payment out of my commission check. If I find a good quality Buck (goat) that cost’s $300….I want to be able to buy him & not have to pass on it because I can’t afford it. If I come across a $2000 Bull or Heifer (cattle) that I think would add good genetics to my small herd, I want to be able to buy it because I have the ability, not pass on it because our taxes haven’t come back yet.

I want to contribute to my family & even though I stay at home, cooking, cleaning, teaching school to my kids, mow the yard, irrigate the yard, maintain the pasture, milk 8 goats, a cow, do laundry, take care of bills, groceries, illnesses, etc. Plus, help out my elderly parents. Yes, that’s contributing, but it doesn’t remove the financial burden off my husband. He has goals & dreams of his own, 1 of them is to open his own machinist/fabrication shop to custom build everything from motorcycle parts to farm items & everything in between.

Now your probably wondering what does animals have to do with this business? Well, I started raising livestock about 7-8 yrs ago as a well, to bring in some money & improve our food source. Well, when I don’t have outside interference (technically inside), I started accomplishing this goal. We had enough chickens that I had to start selling eggs, we were getting to where we had enough goat milk that I could start selling that, plus selling off the off spring & was starting to do good. I was making a small profit early on. I want to earn enough in my commission that I can get our farm set up with a better chicken house to give everyone more room, I want to get our pastures set up to make it way easier to rotate & I want to have money to buy a good supply of hay for them in the winter instead of buying a small ton twice a month & hope we can get through the winter. That way, the livestock can get back to paying for themselves & I want to create better shelters & birthing areas for the goats & pigs.

Now for the personal goals…..

The personal goals are pretty much the same. Buy everyone a new wardrobe, from head to toe. I want to help support my family, help my husband reach his goals, get some (big boy) “toys” for all of us to enjoy.

I want to get things set up around here to make life easier for the livestock & for us. But my ultimate goal for this year is very personal.

I want to take my family on a short vacation to go to Oklahoma. Now, for most people that’s probably not a destination spot. But for me, it’s a very special state & there’s someone very important & special there. Part of my family is from the north eastern corner area, my very special grandma is buried back there, but I have a special Aunt that’s 83-4 that’s still back there & I haven’t seen her since 1983. She did come here once about 10 years ago, but I was working, so I couldn’t see her for longer than 5 mins. So, my goal is to get to Director 9 in 9 months, (that’s 17 qualified Preferred Members) as I’d like to go back to see my Aunt by October since the summer’s are so busy for me & to celebrate my grandma’s birthday with my Aunt. By hitting Director 8-9 it’d earn me a $1600-$2000 in bonus’s, which would pay for the trip. I can do genealogy research (which is another side gig of mine) & take my kids around where their grandpa grew up & hung out & so much more.

I don’t know if my Aunt is going to make it till October….but that’s my Ultimate Goal. It means the world to me.

I only need 17 more personally enrolled members. This is not an impossible goal……. Phew!!!


Now what are your goal’s for 2019? Do you need a supplemental income? Or do you make enough currently that your not living from paycheck to paycheck or payday loans to payday loans? Do you have a remodeling project you’d like to do, but no money to get it going? Would you like to be able to buy your own home?

We all have our own wants, needs, dreams & goals. But we don’t all have a way to squeeze in one more part time job into our lives OR you are disabled & don’t get enough on disability to live on, but can’t work a normal job, you want to..just can’t. Then this business is for you.

One thing you probably don’t know about me, is I like to help others. I always try to help someone in some way, in High School I was a counselor to my friends, I listened & tried to help. When someone in my adult life felt alone, or they were drowning in their stress & relationship issues, I threw them a life line & lended a shoulder to lean on. I am a genealogy researcher…..I’ve done more research for others helping them connect the missing family together for free or pretty close to free, then I’ve ever actually charged. All because I just want to help others.

Now, I can’t help you want to make your life better…..you have to want that for yourself. But I can, help you get started. We can set up a time to watch a 43 minute video that explain the benefits of being a part of this team & company way better than I can & I can help you get signed up & make your first qualifying order. And I can help you get others to redirect some of their shopping so they sign up under you.

What do I get out of this?

I get paid when you order, but more importantly (at least to me)….You will help me reach my Ultimate Goal for the year of becoming Director 8-9 by September 2019, so I can take my family back to see my Aunt (their great Aunt) in October & try her great cooking before she passes away (she does have heart issues, so I’m hoping I see her soon). Do you want to quit struggling financial? Do you want to take a vacation?

What do I need to achieve this goal?

I need you. I need 17 people to redirect a small portion of their every day shopping to their own personal store & become a preferred member.

When you sign up, you won’t be alone. And if you sign up between today & tomorrow & become a qualified preferred member, you will also have the opportunity to go to our January Product Launch convention January 5th & learn even more.

What do you say????

I say LET’S DO THIS!!!!!!!! Or better yet….my favorite saying that I’ve borrowed… Let’s GET ‘ER DONE!!!!!!!!!   

Click Here to make it happen!!!!



Happy soon to be New Year 2019!!!!!

I’ve seen email after email after email, today talk about making New Year’s Resolutions, what they should be, how they should be, buy this or that, to help you make it to your goal.

NOW!!!! DON’T get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with that, we all have to earn income…..it just made me realize that I am following WAY too many blogs out there & still too dang poor to take advantage of any of their help…..which sucks.

But, it also got me to thinking (very scary at times….and gives me a headache at times too…..like now…..or I’ve eaten too many candy rocks & my body is letting me know……either way……) it got me to thinking about my resolutions or lack there of.

I haven’t bothered to “celebrate” New Years in a good number of years, I use to stay up & watch Dick Clark & the American Bandstand bring in the New Year (that should date me quite a bit LOL), back then it was fun…I was fun. But I’ve been sad & miserable for so long……that’s all that I know. For years, I avoided the New Year celebration, I didn’t want to kiss the one I was with/near, because I wasn’t in love with him…I didn’t want to bring in the New Year pretending…..yet again.

My Resolutions started as a kid, to do more, to have more fun then switched to get a 2nd job or get a college degree, then to do more for my kids, to lose weight, to find a way to be happy in this marriage, to do all that I could to be a better wife so he wouldn’t stray, to make things work. Reaching for the impossible seemed to be my yearly, daily, monthly theme. I have succeeded at losing weight…..nearly 50 pounds….but still got more to go. (Slowly losing it, just not in the area’s I would like it to be). It’s been up & down over the last few years on doing more outside the home with the kids.

I’d have better luck at becoming an astronaut then I had at keeping him from straying, so I gave up trying. I doubt that I will stay up to bring in the new year, because I still have no desire to kiss a man that killed our marriage, destroyed our vows, broke my heart into a million pieces & changed who I truly was at my core, BUT!!

I do plan on making a resolution or 3 (or a zillion)……My top one is to be true to myself. I’ve never really ever focused on myself, in my life…..but I’ve always done things that I loved/enjoyed & shared it in some ways with others. Currently I am sharing my office chair with our 13-14 year old cat & my 1/4 of the seat is starting to kill my butt. But I miss me…..stubborn, caring, (protective) temper, attitude (stubborn one), some say I’m a bitch, some say I’m brash, but in a caring one. I don’t sugar coat things, I’m blunt, but not hurtful. I don’t let many into my inner circle, but if you make it in there…..I’ll always have your back.

I still want to lose weight…..soooooooooo tired of being fat. It’s hard on the joints and organs & losing weight isn’t any easier on the joints at first (just ask my knees & elbows) LOL I still need to finish my 2 year degree that I started 24-25 yrs ago LOL

I don’t know if my husband & I will ever fall in love again or stay together after the kids move out….I know a LOT of things have to change…a lot within me & a lot in his actions & behavior. I still get the feeling some times that he’s back to hiding things, I chalk it up to it being me. But I won’t ignore my gut. It hasn’t let me down, even though I’ve let it down.

But the other thing (there are several others) I want to focus on, is our business……I have already earned a commission check this month, I’ll get a bigger one next month. I want it to keep growing.

But I realized something recently…….I am NOT a salesman, I don’t have the magic words to flick the switch in people to make them instantly dive in. But I recently talked to a disabled vet, that had such a passion for what he’d like to do, but also struggles financially & emotionally. And then I talked to a young mom who has a very physically demanding job, has to work out in all kinds of weather & has 3 babies that are a year apart & wants to stay home with them. They both have a struggle & a need & as much as I would love to help them fulfill that need…….I can’t do it for them.

But I want to try & help them to fulfill it for themselves……..I want to do that for every one who would like to change their life.

I have a LOT in my own life that I need to work on, change, & improve….so I understand struggle. My new years resolution this year……….is to change MY life & help others change theirs. I’m starting in an area, that I know that I can change……finances. I know that for me, bringing in some extra money that will get some excess bills paid off, that will help get supplies we need here at the farm, that will help get me some new tires for my truck & some hay stored for my animals. AND I might even be able to take a vacation with my family……or at the very least, I can send my kids on a vacation.

Either way…….2019 my life is changing………for the better.

But in the mean time, my butt is hurting sitting on this tiny 1/4 section (maybe 2 inches) of my chair & as a result……my back really hurts. So, I’m going to say tootles for now.



Work from Home

That statement conjures up a whole slew of, probably horrible, thoughts or dreadful images or scary ones.

But……I promise this isn’t scary at all. Nor is it a scam or a joke or even worse……it’s not an  MLM either.

We got our first commission check today…….To most people, it’s a itty, bitty, drop in the bucket check. But it’s a GIGANTIC, huge step for me on a personal basis. A Milestone achievement, if you would.

I have tried almost every MLM business out there in the last 20 some years & every one of them was a business failure……IF I was able to recruit someone, they never worked their business. So, basically……I failed.

I loved the products, I just wasn’t a pushy  salesman & being a product of the product didn’t work, because no one else wanted to push them onto others either.

But with the E-Commerce (state recognized, how cool is that) that I joined in November…..I don’t have to be a pushy product selling, home show salesman. Outside of setting up a time to watch a 43 minute presentation overview….I don’t have to push anyone into anything. Well, I have to push myself into making calls….that’s a lot of work.

But ask yourself…….do you want to work 40+ hours for 40+ years to just scrap by? Not being able to take off work to stay home with a sick kid, or because your sick without the fear of losing your job? My oldest kid started a new job recently and they get 3 days a YEAR yes I said a YEAR. I don’t know about you……but before I started using herbs & essential oils I’d be sick for at least a week.

Well, I miss working outside the home for my own money, but I don’t miss the moody clickish bosses that I’ve had, that will just as soon as fire you as have sympathy for you or a child being sick. But with this E-commerce….your the boss & it’s not a job…..it’s a lifestyle change.

Anyway, I am trying to heal from the last 22+ yrs of pain, misery, guilt causing, shame causing behavior & while my husband & I are working this business “together“, this is mostly my thing.

And it’s my thing, simply because I say so. I want to accomplish something & so far….my accomplishment is having a small team, that I hope to grow & hope to help them grow their own. It’s to get better at making cold calls or calling strangers (as I call it) &……I’m getting there.

It’s also going to be a way that I can buy things on my own without feeling guilty about being selfish by buying something for myself, but also to be able to buy myself, my kids, even hubby clothes without having to save for months. My oldest bought me a pair of shoes out of his first check, because he knew I wasn’t going to do it soon as I should & my shoes were holey & my boots had several holes in the sides. I’ve never depended on a man before (well, not since I lived at home & asked my dad for help LOL) & I don’t like being dependent on a man for money, so it’s been hard for me.

But!!!! This is an exciting (for me) I looked to check my status today, I have 3 team members, 1 hasn’t followed through with their commitment unfortunately, so they don’t count (according to the company), but I only need 1 more person to join this month & I will advance to a new position (if the 1 team member would have done their first order like they said, then I’d already be there…..but that’s ok, I’ve always been slow LOL)

If I get 3 new team members signed up (by Dec 31) then I’ll advance 2 positions (woo whooo!!!!!) & if I get 7 more by the 31st (which I know won’t happen, unfortunately :o( ) it’ll push me up 3 advancements & that’d be an exciting start for a New Year & be such a huge accomplishment for me on a personal/individual……you have no idea of how much that’d mean to me.

I could pay off so many bills with that, get cupboards & the freezer stocked with food & maybe even buy me a bunch of new clothes (which, you don’t want to know how badly I need those.)

Oh & for new qualifying members (which means if you want to get all the bonuses & discounts) all you have to do is make a 35 point order & then on top of that order you can get…………..

duh-ta duh……

FREE Gift for ALL New Preferred Members

All new Preferred Members in December will earn a Winter Defense Pack featuring more than $35 worth of FREE products in their first active order!

This pack includes:
• 2 Clear Defense Hand Gels (2.4 oz)
• 2 Renew Intensive Skin Therapy Travel-Size
• 2 Sun Shades Lip Balm
PURE Vapor Respiratory Essential Oil Blend
Sol-U-Guard Botanical 2x Disinfectant
Sol-U-Guard Botanical 2x Spray Bottle

new member gift

Did you notice that it’s free now for some, that may not be a big deal. For me…it would have been a nice bonus to get. :o)

I’m a little bummed that Christmas for the kids will be a little barren. But I’m excited at what awaits for us next year.


I’m so excited :)

I am so excited…this evening my newest team member called to let me know that she got her Wellness box today & she was surprised to get some extra stuff in the box that she didn’t order. She started listing the extra stuff that she got & I looked it up & it was Winter Defense Pack! they are offering for free for all new members that enroll in the month of December…dang it…i should have waited 🤣😂 it was so cool that i got to share that with her. So, for those who might be thinking about it…..don’t wait too long. A great business to be a part of, no way for it(**strictly in my opinion of course) to saturate your area because EVERYONE has to shop..we need products every day & this is everyday items Plus 670 retail partners for other needed items. And if your a preferred customer you can get some of the same benefits & discounts as you would if you were a member. BUT if you signed up as preferred member to do this as a business then you get bonuses, discounts & more.
This month is $1 to sign up on a trial basis & if you do your first 35 order then you get the germ fighting kit for free..
How cool is that?
Probably about as cool as my youngest getting to go to see the Nutcracker ballet tonight with her friends. First time & she really enjoyed it. 
Anyway, hope y’all have a great night.


Had to make some changes to my post :o)


I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For many or most of you, this won’t matter to you…….but for me & anyone else out there like me. This is a HUGE milestone/accomplishment.

I have a fear of public speaking, of making a cold call as it’s called…I call it, calling a stranger. But I literally panic. My heart races, I shake a bit, get major nervous….I basically freak out.

When I was in Jr. High, High School, College. (20 some to 30 some years ago) I was scared to death about being in the spotlight & have everyone’s attention (good or bad) on me & of course in those younger day’s you had the moron’s who thought they were cute & funny & would ridicule anyone standing up doing a speech.

Well…….depending on what kind of job you have, you might have to talk to people. YIKES!!!! Well, I recently started with an E-Commerce company & you have to talk to people about the company & what benefit’s & bonus’s & deals they’ll get from being a member & then hopefully sign them up for their own personal store. Which is such an awesome deal. (I just took advantage yesterday or some benefits & got $2.00 off + earned .75% back in loyalty shopping dollars to be used in my store, so instead of paying nearly $12 bucks for some business cards, I paid less then $9 & earned some $ to spend in my store. WIN WIN

ANYWAY…….. (I’m actually kind of nervous now, talking about how nervous I was)…So, my enroller had been trying to do the Overview with a lady that requested some more info. for about a week. Either we kept getting an answering machine or she was having computer difficulties or we were…..it was very irritating on the computer stuff.

So……anyway…….I’m irritated about all the computer problems that we seemed to be having for the last several days (& last night was no different..grrr). But I put my foot down & I was like……..”This is enough…..” So, I sat down at my computer opened ALL the windows on my browser that would have everything to do the presentation with & my store front & my back office & some other things. My heart is still racing fast, I get the hiccups as I’m dialing, which adds more anxiety to my already anxiousness.

The lady answers…..It’s go time.


I talked to her 2 days ago for 41 minutes about everything, including the business….so I thought……day 2 should be easy peasy as I don’t have to actually talk….just play a video (insert computer technical difficulty that finally stopped everything after 33 minutes of a 43 minute video)….Crap…now what? SO, there goes my blood pressure (through the roof again), anxiety hitting….where’s my Recruiter or husband when you need them…..OH NO!!! I’m gonna blow this, I’m going to mess this up…..PLEASE LORD HELP ME THROUGH THIS!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!  

I DID IT…..I got through the presentation, I screwed up a lot. BUT!! I DID IT!!! I have to call her Saturday to help her sign up for her own store site.


It still scares me. But now I can say that *I* did it!!


Life Changing…….

I just made a decision that could & will change my life as I know it now………for the better.

I’ve never been apart of something like this & I don’t think you have either.  I normally wouldn’t use this type of forum…….but why not? We’re all looking for ways to better our life, right?

Well, why not use the forum that we share our life with, to share how we’re going to improve on it.

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired.

Tired of being constantly broke, constantly financially struggling, tired of always telling my kids no or not right now or its going to be a little while or or or or……….or whatever excuse that you use is.

like tonight……we had to use money out of our Mortgage account so I could put gas in my truck & had to use the money out of my paypal account I was saving to use to pay for some herbal & essential Oil courses that had to be saved instead for my husband’s VA Dr’s appt the day after tomorrow to buy some grain for my pigs. Then we had to pick up some extra stuff from the grocery store for tomorrow in anticipation of 5 extra people & we could get all that I wanted to get other wise we’d had to use the money for our house payment or trip money & be short.

I just wanted to break down & start bawling…….I’m so tired of this stupid cycle……are you?

Well, while I am still currently in this cycle, I hope not to be much longer. I joined a company that has been changing people’s lives for 34 year? It’s the only company that I’ve ever heard of or known that is a Debt Free company & has been since the beginning. And you earn money for every day shopping…….I am not a shopper, I dread going to the grocery store, let alone the clothing store (I really hate this one). But I love the options & benefits that they give their members…..that no one else (that I know of) does.

I thought that I’d go ahead & share this amazing life changing opportunity with all of you, because I know that you’d like to earn more then what your making, even just a little bit could make a difference in your life. Am I right? Of course I am…..

So click here & start on your life changing adventure with me now.

What? you don’t think you can do it? Why not? Give it a shot. If there’s anything you’ve wanted to have some extra money for …..buying new shoes, buying clothes, gas to take a trip on, go out to eat more frequently, buying a cup of coffee? Pay a bill, get out of debt all together, go back to school to finish a degree (OOOOH OOOH that’s me…hand is up). Take some other courses, such as Herbal or Essential Oils (hand is up again).

Or you want to get divorced, but your stuck because of finances (hand goes up again…..that’s been my main reason for not filing for one several years ago).

Just give IT a shot…..you have absolutely nothing to lose.

Well, I’m off to get the Turkey in the cooker so it’s ready for tomorrow.

Hope y’all have a WONDERFUL day…even if you don’t celebrate Thanksgiving 🙂

1-888-396-9990  listen to a pre-recorded message & tell me what you think…..nothing to lose



I wanted to send off a post before the big day, because I may not have time or may have lost my sanity before the day is even 1/2 over, so it’s best to write now. ;o)

I think it’s been or close to being 40 or 41 years go, my most favorite cousin in the whole world was killed in a motorcycle wreck on Thanksgiving. It was hard for me for a while to find joy in this day again. A few Thanksgiving’s we would go over to my Aunt’s squeeze into her tiny house with all of her kids & a few grandkids & enjoy a big feast…..I miss those times.

But I really miss celebrating Thanksgiving with my sister & brother in the same house….my mom & sister would overly stress over the lack of cooperation they felt they were getting from the rest of us, the lack of control they had over everything & situation. My dad & I are the more laid back out of the group & then there was my brother who just hung out in his room & waited to eat & then went into hiding when it was time to clean up…..which of course, was left to the women (namely my sister & myself).

Even though we didn’t get a long much even back then…I still miss being together. But since she had her first kid…..they refused to travel, while part of me understood it…..how can you create generational family memories, if your never with family to make them? Even when she lived near us, she’d rather invite strangers into her home, instead of come be with family & let cousin interact & get a chance to become friends.

then after my brother’s family split up that was pretty much the end of our family Thanksgiving get together’s… my family was left on their own to do their own thing……while it was nice at times not to have to stress over whether or not your cooking would produce good tasting food. I missed my childhood at the holidays.

But tomorrow, we will hopefully be celebrating our first Thanksgiving in our First home (bought earlier this year) with my parents, brother & his kids. I’m excited & nervous & worried.

My house isn’t spit-shined as much as I was hoping it’d be, I forgot to make cornbread for potential stuffing to dry out over night for tomorrow. Not in the mood to make pumpkin pie right now…..so that might be a breakfast task. Forgot to get bacon to have breakfast.

And of course……..we’re broke.

but it’s ok, whether we celebrate with a full house or with just us……I am thankful to have a brand new house, to be able to celebrate thanksgiving and to be in a much better place then I have been just last year.

I still have a long way to go……..but I’m getting there.



I’m Back!!!!

I don’t know if anyone’s noticed that I’ve been kind of quiet. Well, there’s a couple reasons……the main one is we’ve been moving (technically for 3 months) to our first ever buying a home…home. And that has had its own adventures, which I’ll post about later. But the other reason, is because my family has lost my box from my office that had my passwords & other important stuff in it (including the keys to our 2 riding lawn mowers), so since I still can’t locate it & hubby found another (questionable) way to start one of them…..I figured, today was the day to give up on finding my box & just change the passwords & make some other changes & move on.

So…….that’s what I’ve done.

Which seems to be the path that I am on lately, but I don’t want to go off the trail I’m on right now & go off on some other tangent, so no more about changes until later on.

Right now…..I seem to be the only one capable of figuring out what to fix for dinner, so I’m going to come to an end on this post & go dig out some pans to make hamburgers & cut up the left over pork loin so my family won’t starve :o)

Plus, my left hand is starting to really hurt again (must still have some inflammation caused from drinking pop still in my system). So, its time to stop typing & switch to reading for a while, plus, go around & shut all of the windows, its getting cold in here from all the “fresh” windy air.

But…..I’ll be back. I have a bit to share & still have stuff to move from my other blog. :o)

Till we meet again. :o)


Welcome To My Wayward Healing Journey.

This is the post excerpt.

I have another blog site already, but it was intended to go in another direction then where its currently headed, so instead of taking that page away from its intended purpose, I decided to start a different site where I can focus on my journey of healing.

I’ve titled my blog “My Wayward Healing Journey”, because I haven’t gone in a straight line on this journey. I’ve been sidetracked, derailed & ignored my need to heal.

Not because I don’t want to heal, because Lord knows I do, but because I haven’t put myself first yet. So, until I do……..my life as a mom, a homeschooling teacher, homesteader & all my other hats, including that of a wife, take precedence over my pain & healing.

I don’t know if you’ll follow my journey or can relate or have the perfect life. What I do know is this…..We all have our own journey’s to take, we all have a path that we should have followed out of high school or in our 20’s or 30’s or we have path’s that have been forced upon us to take & we got shoved off into another direction that we didn’t plan, choose, want to be on by any stretch of the imagination.

But here we are.

Now what?

Well……for me, I have a couple path’s that I need to deal with & hope I can change the way my current path is on.

I’m going to bring post’s from my other blog to here, they’re about pain, fear, healing, mourning & probably some others.

I hope you will enjoy them (as much as one can when reading about marital issues & emotional pain) enough to subscribe so you can follow, so they’ll come to your inbox.

I am going to get started, but because of life’s demand’s (or in my case appt’s), I won’t get everything moved over today.

Welcome…………and thank you for being here.


Last Day…….

To day (May 14th) is the last day we can take advantage of a $1 sign up.

Here’s an excerpt from my business blog that I wrote earlier…see if you can see yourself in there.

“If there’s aspects of your health that you’d like to try & improve, but the pharmaceutical option isn’t something you want to go back to, you want something natural, that’s safe for you, safe for our environment. Then………..this could be for you.

If your tired of using Clorox, because of the toxicity & smell or Pine-Sol or, or, or, as the list goes on. Then you should try Ecosense products, there’s items for your tub/shower, toilet, windows, mirror, disinfectant.

get in touch with me

There’s more to the message, so I hope you’ll go over & read it. There’ll be new offers/specials available tomorrow, I will be back to share that, to give you a jump start to possibly join.

If you want to change your life, change your house. NOW is the time.
We all have needs & wants.
Just heard that they’re offering $20 in Loyalty shopping dollars the SAME DAY you sign up to use the same day you make your qualifying order (I didn’t get that option when I signed up, I could have added more products to my first order & made it even better) THAT is SO cool.

I wish I was signing up today to take advantage of that opportunity, on top of that……after you make your qualifying order of 35 points, then you have the opportunity to make an additional $100 in loyalty Shopping Dollars to start using the following month. On TOP of so many other benefits..

Ok….As much as I would love to keep talking (& as excited as I am about our company, products & opportunities.) I have to get back outside to finish cleaning up my holding pen (used for the goats & cow that I need to milk) & get rid of the winter’s hay that got wasted & get some water on it..

My personal story or experience with this company, is simple. It’s changed my life.

Yep……that simple. For 15-20+ years I have been dealing with Chronic Fatigue. Where it didn’t matter how much or little sleep I got, I was always tired & run down. For over 22 years I was dealing with some severely stressful issues, for 17 years it was the height of stress & turmoil. For 49 years, I’ve lived with a heart murmur.

It put me in the hospital when I was 3. If I was tired, I was suppose to rest, I wasn’t suppose to be stressed out (as a kid that’s not an issue….as an adult, that’s a whole other story) & as I mentioned above….I spent a lot of years stressed. Most of my stress has dwindled down & I do my best not to let it get to me when it creeps up.

When I first signed up, I didn’t know what to expect, I knew & believed it wasn’t an MLM in disguise. But that’s all I had experience with. The only shopping club I’ve had experience with was Costco, their benefit’s aren’t all that great. But for my 2nd order, I ordered ProvexCV(blood pressure support) , Good Zymes(digestive enzymes) & Florify(Probiotic) . When they arrived…………..

My life changed!!!!!! It’s not an exaggeration. I took them with my evening meal, didn’t give it a 2nd thought.

The next morning when I woke up……….I felt different. I felt more refreshed, relaxed, awake, energized. I wasn’t dreading getting up (despite it being almost 6 am), I wasn’t dragging myself out of bed, I felt as if I had just gotten the most relaxed, restful nights sleep that I’ve ever had in years, even though I know I tossed & turned.

But I dismissed it, for 3 days, figured it was a fluke. It wasn’t. I could go on & on about how it changed my health for the better, but I don’t want to turn this into a novel & I really need to get back to work.

I have a story about my husband’s experience with the Bone & Joint Peak Performance Pack & my love for the Ecosense line of laundry products. But…….it’ll have to be for another day & I’ll post it on my Working at home blog. And before I go onto more personal story’s or those that have been shared with me. I will leave you with one last thing.

Thank you for following this blog & I hope you also follow my other blog as well.


More & more Monday’s are becoming a day I dread on a more consistent basis then it ever was when I was going to school or even working in my 20’s.

Today is kind of a rough day for me right now.

Our oldest Tom(less) cat seems to have suffered a stroke or something similar to a stroke & the frustrating thing on top of all of it is, today is payday, but we’re already broke.

We don’t have the money to take our cat to the Vet, which breaks my heart. It’s hard enough seeing him as an aging weakened feline, but to him struggling just to get out of his cat box, on or off furniture……to walk. I am failing our King of Kitty’s.

We rescued him several years ago as a kitten from the starving wild life he had for the first 6-8 weeks of life & from being a live chew toy for a dog we had. Our older cat that adopted several years prior to this rescue of Oliver, took Oliver under his paw & taught him how to hunt & survive & he blossomed into an awesome cat.

There were other wild strays running around the farm where we use to live (rented) & when a litter of kittens would creep up & were abandoned for whatever reason, Oliver would step up & catch mice for them to eat & show us where they were staying so we could provide them with food & water. Didn’t always get the opportunity to friend them before they would disappear. He was an impressive hunter, catching Jack Rabbits as big as he was (length & height), tons of mice, voles, moles, etc. He even caught vipers, bull snakes (neither totally agreed with his system), shockingly one of the small falcons.

I want to beg, plead, cry….well, bawl for financial help to be able to take Oliver to a Naturopathic Vet, this vet does conventional medicine as well as herbs & tinctures. So, before I get to crying any harder then what I am, I will ask. If you have a Paypal account, would you mind helping by sending us what you can, by clicking here. The minimum cost is $180 for new patients, there’s no vet around here anymore that allows people to charge, which I totally get, even if I don’t like it.

But that’s not our only financial issue…wish it was. But we have a ton of bills to pay, groceries for us & the kids to last 2 weeks on top of grain for the livestock. I’ve got baby goat’s to start selling, they’re only a little over a month old, & a couple of the Does (maybe more), that’s the quickest way to earn some money, but it’s not quick at all.

If we had a faster way to recoup almost $800, then everything would be fine. I’ve got to go do something else, or I’m not going to be able to fight back the tears anymore (& it’s too hard to explain to the kids why I’m crying & frustrated & why I feel helpless).

Between fixing vehicles 2 weeks ago, fixing our riding lawnmower & push mower this past week & weekend (soccer ball size rocks & lawnmower blades don’t mix well) we ended up overdrawn in 1 acct & borrowing from our mortgage account.

We need help & I don’t know where to turn for it right now. I know helping a stranger is a lot to ask, heck, helping a friend financially is asking a lot sometimes.

If we had the spare money right now, I’d have ads up for our home business, to get more referrals, which means bigger commission, but I don’t. I would talk more about that, but that’s not why I’m here.

Every time…I think I’m getting us ahead, some thing happens & all the cards collapse, I’m tired of struggling, I’m tired of failing my kids, my animals (Livestock & cats/dogs). It’s just beyond frustrating & crying just doesn’t help.

Thanks for listening………..

A Whorl Wind Month

Spring has FINALLY arrived here, but because it has, we have a LOT of clean up work from the late fall/winter weather. Which is great, to an extent.

But the biggest shock in the month was the results of a autosomal dna test for genealogy & we learned that who my husband grew up thinking was his father who abandoned, disowned him & abused his mom actually isn’t his dad. Shock 1. to find out after 50 years, growing up feeling unwanted & loved, even from an Adulterer, alcoholic, drug user, wife abuser. Then to discover that your mom left out the little fact that prior to your conception & that was, while she was separated from her then husband, she also had an affair with a friend, yet she didn’t know his name. LOL

I don’t have a whole lot of nicety nice things to say about my mother-in-law & this is just one more thing that she has done to hurt my husband. And of course, she did her usual manipulation number on him, the I’m sorry‘s, the tears, & oh yes, btw…I put in our divorce decree that you weren’t the product of the marriage, because I didn’t want him to have any custody rights to you. So, even though I lied (again) about having an affair as I’m the innocent party & telling my soon to be x that he wasn’t your dad, he’s still the bad guy for abandoning you, cheating & beating on me & for not being honest with my friend about him being potentially your dad & kept you from having a family.

Well, guess what mommy dearest….because of your infidelity & lies, I was abandoned not once….but TWICE. Thanks…..a LOT.

While the sperm donor agreed (very reluctantly) that the test results, but basically said after that……what do you want me to do about it?

I have tried SO hard, not to email either, his mother or the new sperm donor & ask them W.T.H., because what they’ve done & what (he’s) still doing, just ticks me off.

BUT!! I am trying to be understanding to the new guy, cause it may be a bit of a shock that he’s got another kid, older I think, then his other 2. How do you break the news to your family that you have fathered another child & didn’t know it? Or to your wife, who you might have been with at the same time?

So…..I’m trying to be nice. :o)

But it’s hard & of course, my husband is acting like this is not a big deal, which in his language is……I’m going to believe my mom ’cause she’d never lie (which is horse pucky) & the new sperm donor is so far no different then the first one, so nothing new. Which…..seems to be true….at least in the sense that he’s abandoned & disowned him already without doing anymore then ask how he did the act of conception, who he did it with & where they might have done it. Just for that crap I want to reach out & smack him to wake him, I guess.

It’s taken us for a whorl wind ride that stopped abruptly…..now what?

At A Loss…….

I’m at a loss…….I don’t know what to do, what to think, how to feel after this past weekend.

Fall 2016-2017 was a year for mourning after 22 1/2 years of rocky to bad. I had to get through the loss of my marriage, the pain of that loss & the heartache I had & try to find myself again.

Fall 2017-2018 I spent finding myself, healing & focusing on getting our finances straightened up to buy a house for our kids, I didn’t care what else happened to my marriage or our “relationship”, my soul focus was my kids & to get them something they deserved……a house, at the very least. I couldn’t focus or worry about picking up the pieces.

The beginning of 2018 it felt like buying a house was another huge mistake…..if I didn’t agree with all of his “visions”, it got ugly, so much so, I gave up on envisioning what I could possibly do in our new home. Gave up enough…..that even after a year of being here….I’m just here & still don’t feel like I belong.

But…..towards the fall of 2018…..I gained hope. I thought that with the new year fast approaching, that maybe things could be different. That, despite feeling like the past was coming back, we could have a decent life together……MAYBE things could improve with us.

But then……..this past weekend happened & I was reminded that nothing has changed, that I’m not the only one that hasn’t dealt with any past issues, but his overreaction to our conversation has floored me so much. That, I just don’t know what to do, know how to feel or which way to go right now….or anything else.

I don’t even know why I created this blog. I mean I do…..originally I thought that maybe if I shared what I’ve been through, that maybe I could help someone who just started their adventure to see what future they could end up with if they didn’t run now.

Then I thought…..maybe if I could get all the crap (pain, anger, hurt, confusion, sadness, etc) out of my head, that it could help me to heal & regain my light, my spirit, my joy/happiness…….me. Because paying $150 for a 30 minute counseling session, wasn’t doing the trick. It wasn’t helping me to understand anything.

But it just seems that as soon as I get out of the rut, that just as I get a sturdy foot hold on top of the bank of the deep dark never ending hold I’ve been in for years, that I lose my footing & I just go tumbling back into it……again.

This blog hasn’t helped me, I doubt I’ve helped anyone else who is facing or might be facing emotional abuse, who is dealing with manipulation on top of it.

One thing this situation has helped me with, is to realize that I have been going through this scenario my whole entire life….So, it took me a while to figure that out & try to stop it. The other thing, that I might have just figured out, is that his blowup comes on the heels of a blowup that I just had with my parent & it showed me, that I could be 60 & they’ll never see me as anything else but the problem teen I was (12-18). They’ll always think less of me, regardless of how educated or accomplished I might have or will become.

It won’t ever matter to them. I’m not too far away from being 50 & they still look, think, act & treat me like I’m 16. I didn’t think that bothered me anymore, but it definitely is easier to deal with then living with, being married to a psychotic version of both parents put together on top of both of his parents on top of it (where most of the nutso behavior comes from.

What I do know….is that while there’s a storm brewing outside of the house, I have to figure out how to get the storm within under control & to dissipate the turbulence.

I’m at a loss………

Invisibly Shaken……

I’ve been thrown for a loop, off balance, off guard.

I thought I had regained my balance last year, I thought I had grown stronger, I thought I had a stronger shield now……but I was wrong.

I don’t know how to shake loose this film that has fallen upon me once more, this sense of doubt, dread, uncertainty, pain, turmoil……..loss.

When do you stop mourning? I want it to stop. I want to heal. I want to trust.

I want to feel safe……

(*Note: This next bit, is from Rodney Atkin’s song….but it’s some of me too)

They don’t see what lie’s beneath my smile.
It appears I’m okay……
But the truth is…….
I’m quietly breaking
Taking one breath at a time
I’m dying inside……
I know it’s over…

I will never show the real toll it’s taking
You say you will change, that you want us to try it again

Too many times I have been your fool…..
I don’t want to continue ending up here again.

Invisibly shaken……

I’m lost, once again, not sure to pretend how I’m happy again.

what do I do?

New Month……New info.

April Fool’s Day…

The start of it was a rough one for me & then a lazy one for a bit, just chilling with my youngest while the older ones were working. Now, I have to get on the ball & get some thing accomplished before the whole crew is back together again…even if I don’t have the energy to do anything.

It still amazes me the difference I feel when I haven’t taken my supplements vs when I do. So, at 5:30 am today, I got them ordered (mainly because I forgot to make my order before the 31st was over with.)

Maybe you forgot too.

For those interested in my new Home based business blog site I started up here . I have the new specials for new members if you join.

I’m not posting anything more about it here, because I really want this blog to go back to what it was intended to be & would like the business aspect to be separate. So, go to the new blog & check out what’s new. (I’ll have a new post added about it in a couple hours, first I have to go do dishes & start dinner) :o)

Monthly Update Specials

For those who have started following this blog because of my home based business posts…..Thank You…….I made a new exciting announcement on my business only blog about our this month’s special.

So, if your interested in learning more about what I do, go to the other blog & check it out. I’m excited by this new special & that’s all I’m going to say about it here. :o)

So………I hope you’ll check it out

Go here if your interested in learning more…….and I hope you do.